Lawyerman and I have this terrible habit. When we are out and about as a family, if we see anyone looking like they are the same size as us, we ask the other person ‘am I as fat as that woman’? or is my tummy as big as that man’s’? And if the answer is no, she is fatter, I feel good with myself. If the answer is you are fatter, I make a mental note to watch my weight though I never act on this mental note. But with Lawyerman, if you tell him his tummy is bigger (I have never seen Lawyerman ask if his tummy is bigger than that of a man who has a bigger tummy than him. Always men that have a six pack that he will be asking if his tummy is bigger than. Lol… Ok, I exaggerated a bit), he will start arguing with you and will tell you to check again. He will then suck in his tummy and tell you to check his tummy again and compare with the stranger’s own. By this time, I am mentally rolling my eyes so much that my eyes are almost far gone. Of course, by now, the stranger has gone! And I always think to myself, why do you ask if you know you won’t accept the answer you this my husband? O ga o. But of course, I don’t say this. I tell you, it’s like my husband has body dysmorphia and he does not know it. At least, when I had body dysmorphia, I knew it. Talking of body dysmorphia, my case was baaaaad. I was a size 14 and would be wearing size 10 Lycra blouses that would squeeze my everything and make me look like a badly packed sausage. And these clothes would be in light colours too! Like white. Smh @ me.
Anyway, I think I have been cured of that silliness of asking ‘am I fatter than that woman’? The other day, I was at the butcher’s with Tobi and a (Naija?) woman came in. I asked Tobi that question. Am I fatter than that woman? And Tobi responded. No, you are not as fat as she is. And you also don’t have her swag. Ouch.
Tobi composed a rap for me and it went thus – ‘my name is mum and I wear my gym outfit and pretend to go to the gym’. I knew I had to stop that terrible habit of wearing my gym outfit in the morning, going out to do my errands in my gym outfit, hoping to go to the gym after the errands but always coming home straight after the errands. Anyone who noticed me would be forgiven if they thought that I was a fitness buff. When Tobi ‘sang’ that rap for me, I knew it was time to stop wasting my membership money. The problem is this – I need to be motivated to go to the gym. So, I paid up for personal training. Now that I know someone is waiting for me at the gym, I will get up and go.