The First Day of The Rest of My Life

What an AH. MAYZEEN. DAY. Yesterday was! I woke up to my alarm song of ‘Thanks’ by Marsh Hall which comes up promptly at 6.30am. If there is ever a song to wake up to, it is this song. I love love love it. The first time I heard this song was in my friend Folake’s car. I was too embarrassed to ask who the singer was lest she knew that I was not as spirikoko as she was. So, Google being my friend, as soon as I got home, I put the little lyrics of the song that I remembered which basically was ‘thanks thanks for all you have done’. And Google gave me all the info which I took to my Apple store and used to buy the song. If waking up in the morning is not your fave part of the day, I recommend this song to you. Even if you are Atheist or Agnostic. It is lovely to wake up thankful for another day.

So, I got up at 6.30, switched on the heater (Tobi likes his uniform and underwear warm so, I place them on the radiator), went to Tobi’s room and went through the same ritual of waking him up. Every. Single. School. Day. Tobi acts like he is surprised that he has to wake up for school. And starts doing smesme. It takes him about 3 minutes to get up. Sometimes he tells me to please give him a few minutes so that he can finish his dream. Ermmm. Nope. Gerrup! So, when he goes to the bath is when I open my mail. Now, he firmly locks the bathroom door and won’t take his clothes off in front of me. Lol… This is the same Tobi that I used to give piggyback in the morning to the bathroom so he could have a few more seconds of sleep o. Up till about 3 years ago he would ask to be given a piggy back ride to the bathroom and I would gladly oblige him. And Lawyerman would be like ‘Tobi I am telling your friends in school’.

So, I logged in to my Yahoo account and I saw so many emails from WordPress. What a gwan? I did not know that I had to approve the comments before they went on the wall. I was gobsmacked at the outpouring of good wishes and love. Wow! I am deeply humbled. I am cocooned in so much love. Lawyerman was still at home waiting for the car repair company Green flag to come and fix his car. After Tobi had left for school, I asked Lawyerman if he would like to know how a blogger performs her matrimonial duties… lol. He told me that the blogger needs to go and brush her teeth. Ouch. I went back to read all the messages, on Facebook and the friend requests. I did not even bother to screen the friend requests. I was filled with love and I just knew that these people who had sent me the friend requests were not doing it from a place of malevolence. They must have read my blog and loved it.

I had promised Tobi a pub lunch so, I went to meet him up after school at the town centre and from there, we went to the pub. He had a burger, I had chicken and mushroom pie with gravy that was rich and velvety, peas and chips. I gave the chips to Tobi as I try to cut my carb intake.

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My pub lunch.

A couple of weeks ago, Tobi had told me that he thinks he has fleas. WHAT? I am ashamed to say that my concern was for MY OWN HAIR. Tobi and Lawyerman can shave. I can’t. I am a new naturalista and I am not blessed with my mum’s thick beautiful hair genes that my sisters are blessed with. I had pulled the short straw and inherited JOPA’s big forehead which Yorubas call ‘opon’ and his very very slow growth scanty hair. So, I could not bear the thought of these my barely there pig tail hair being cut because one child bought home fleas. And I remember that the cure for fleas from growing up in Nigeria is ‘gorimapa’ – total shaving of the hair. Whether you be boy or you be girl. Your parent no send. Off with the hair. And the shaving would be done in front of the house as Lawyerman says. So that all your mates will pass by and point at you and laugh you wella. I cannot cut this 2 years’ growth o. If you knew how much egg and olive oil and coconut oil and mayonnaise and clay and all what nots that this hair has eaten, you would understand my concern for my hair. The naturalister struggle is real. Instead of cutting my hair, I will just reach for the creamy crack. That will kill those darned fleas. Those fleas shampoo I see at the chemists, they always have pictures of oyinbo children on them so, they might not be for dudu children and budding naturalisters with scanty slow growth hair. And should I perm my hair, that will be it for me and the natural hair process. Because that would be my third attempt of trying to be a Naturalister. If at first you fail, try again, then try again. Then just fashie.

So, I did an SOS post in a female group on Facebook and I was assured that fleas are for dogs and not for humans and that those shampoos do work for dudu people as well.

During lunch Tobi confirms that he has seen a couple of fleas (lice) on his shirt in school. Nyama! I decided to go to the boots since we were still at the town centre. When we got to the boots, we went to the haircare aisle but only saw normal shampoos so, we approached the pharmacist. I asked for shampoo that kills lice. I told her I think my son has lice. Mum! Tobi mumbles and tugs at my hand. He stares at his shoes and I don’t understand what is wrong with him. Kilon seleyi? What’s wrong with this one? The lady took us to the aisle where she showed us different brands but she kept subtly pushing the Boots own brand on us. I don’t like buying shop own brand things. I feel that they are not as good as the brand ones. The lady kept using style to force us to buy Boots brand. I say I no want abi? Na by force? I told her I would make my choice myself. So, she got the message and left.

Na so Tobi started o. ‘Mum you have traumatised me’.

Me : How did I traumatise you Tobi?

Tobi : You told that lady that I have fleas.

Me : So? What was I to say?

Tobi : You could say ‘could you show me where the anti flea shampoo is’? If I have children…

Me : NO! Not if. Say ‘when’. You will have children by G:od’s grace. You will give me plenty grandchildren. Okunrin abiro. Obirin abiye – boys that will live and girls that will survive.

Tobi : Ok mum… When I have children, I will never do anything to traumatise them like you did today.

At that point, my phone rings. I make to pick it.

Tobi : Mum! But we have not finished our discussion. Please don’t pick the phone. Could you let us finish the discussion?

Me : The discussion is finished. I am the mum. You are the child. You don’t decide when the conversation ends. I do. I pick the phone It is my friend Kemi. ‘Bawo ni ore?

From the bottom of my heart, I say a big thank you for the outpouring of love. Truly, eniyan ni aso mi. People are my covering. MUA!

This Post Has 59 Comments

  1. Please always leave Tobi to complete his dreams o and stop traumatizing him. Tenkiu ma.
    E Ku ise ma. God will continue to renew your strength ma.

  2. Akhigbe Samson…

    The ease at which you write just shows real humour. They are things I can certainly relate with. Thank you for bringing back my childhood. Samskuri, thank you for referring me to this blog.

    I grow!

  3. Congrats Sis. I am proud of you and wish you well. Remember us when you become a famous blogger. E ku ise…

  4. This was an interesting read. Comical too. I look forward to reading more. I’m going to go and read your earlier posts now.

  5. Aunty Bunmi Don’t use Veto Power for my Aburo!!!

    Congratulations Ma. Your ink won’t run dry.

  6. Wow of a truth am so inspired with your writeup ma!..infact your words are so well arranged and tobis inquisitive spirit is so interesting.I like children that get their parents into discussion.I pray God gives tobi wisdom to grow far better among his equal in jesus name.Amen

  7. Lol…interesting one ma’am. I could never pass a Tobi/Lawyerman gist..
    Tobi is just a darling! Omo britiko

  8. Waoh! I am proud of u sis. God bless you real good. Tobi is a star. God will keep him for u. Nice blog. Congratulations.

  9. Sorry to sound a discordant note here, but firmly Team Tobi! Not only was that mega-embarrassing he did not have to go into the pharmacy with you. Knowing me l would have run away lol…….great story Bums (as always)……

    1. Yanju, obvs, you don’t have a Nigerian mother. lol. Run to where? Do you know what ‘abara’ is?

  10. I love your write-ups and i love how you relate with your son! Getting tips for the future from you ma’am!

  11. Wo ore you and Tobi won’t kill me for my mother o! Stitches is an understatement! What I would give to be a fly on the wall around both of you…Next stop Apple Store..I have to check that song out…

  12. I laughed at the point where you said Tobi acts surprise at waking up and wants to finish his dream ha ha ha.
    You have a way of keeping people glued to your write up. Keep it up.

    1. Every single day from Monday to Friday. I am always amazed. How can someone be like this 5 days a week? As if he does not know he has school to attend.

  13. I am in stitches…and Tobi is simply a joy to behold…so funny. He wasn’t done talking and u had to pick the fone…arrrghhhh!!! Lol. Team “opon” all the way…we rock joh!

  14. You really have a way with words. Couldn’t stop laughing till the end. The way you write is so refreshing. Lol @ Tobi acts surprised every single day at having to wake up for school.. And you traumatising him..trauma indeed.

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