I once had a friend in Uni. Very crazy chic she was then. Crazy in a good way though, not in a bad ‘na wa for dis one’ kind of way. If you went to Unijos in the mid 80s to early 90s, you might know her. Or you might not. Depends on if you were SU, EFIKO or Normal like me. If you were normal like me, you would most likely know her. Very popular and fun girl. But quite unserious about her studies even though she was extremely intelligent. She was also an ‘Aristo’ girl. What they now call a ‘Runz babe’. Let me call her … Susan. My very good friend, Nnenna was like a junior sister to her so, by extension, Susan was also like a big sister to me.
Anyway, when I was in my first year, there was this big man’s son who was also a JAMBITE with me. Let’s call him … John. Yeah. John. John took a liking to Susan and started toasting her. Unknown to John, Susan was also being toasted by John’s dad. When John started toasting Susan, Susan told him she was out of his league, that she dated people his father’s age but John was still doing shant gree. He would tell Susan that if she only gave him a try, she would go off all those old men, that what could those old men do for her in the s:ack? He had money and he had the ability to satisfy her in the sack as well. Susan would just smile. How could she let him down gently? Because John was persistent! He had to have Susan! On this day, John came to visit Susan in her room as usual but she was preparing to go out on a date. She told him she was going out, that he needed to start going. But lovelorn John still sat on Susan’s ‘timutimu’ – pouch on the floor till the driver of the big man knocked on the door to come and pick Susan for her date. It was John’s father’s driver. The driver looked at John and just ‘so ju nu’ – looked away. That definitely cured John of his love. Lol.
One day, I went to visit Susan at home in Lagos during the holidays. As per aristo levels na, she had her own chichi flat, nicely furnished and cozy too. When I got there, she was sat on the floor with a man who looked like he was in his 60s. Susan could not have been more 25 then. She introduced him to me and I thought she said ‘meet my daddy’ and as per ‘omo karo ojire’ – another name for Yoruba person – that I was, I knelt down on my knees and said ‘good afternoon sir’. He warmly returned my greetings but Susan immediately excused me and her and dragged me to her room. When we got to her room, she asked me why I ‘was embarrassing her like that.’ ‘How?’ I asked. She said I was making it obvious that her ‘darling’ was an old man. Oh! Darling! Not Daddy! She had said ‘meet my darling’ not ‘meet my daddy’.
This was a 60something year old man sitting on the floor with 20something year old girls o. Trying to look young. I guess maybe he was feeling young at heart, what with having all these young girls around but, at that moment, I sent a quick prayer up to G:od. I prayed that my own dad did not EVER get into such a foolish position of sitting on the floor with girls the age of his daughters. For the whole couple of hours I was there, we all, with sugar daddy dear, sat on the floor listening to Michael Bolton and Miki Howard. Till today, every single time I hear the song ’till you come back to me’, every single time I hear that song, I ALWAYS remember that day.
All these old men sha … On my way back to Jos one day, I was at the airport, waiting to board the plane. As our flight was called and I made my way to the tarmac, I saw my friend’s dad, my very good friend Ada. Ada had graduated before me. We had been as close as peas in a pod when she was in UniJos. I walked up to him and greeted him, asking after my friend. He kept me up to date about her. He was also going to Jos on the same flight. So, we boarded but I did not seat next to him. When we got to Jos, his driver was waiting to pick him up and he offered to give me a ride to school. ‘Yes please sir!’ Jos airport is far! On the very farthest outskirt of the state. And if you did not have a taxi waiting for you, na yawa be dat. You had to hope that there would be taxis hanging around from having dropped off people going to Lagos on the flight you came from. So, yeah, I was very grateful that he offered me the ride.
We got in the car and the driver dropped him off first at his company while he told the driver to drop me at Naraguta where my hostel, Babylon was. Then he asked me for my room number so that the driver would come back for me in the evening. Hmmmm… Okeeyyy… I gave him my room number. When I got to the room, I told my close friends Lillian, Jako, Manda, Ejiro about this. I was naïve and thought that maybe he was just being fatherly but somehow, I was not sure that being fatherly translated to his driver coming to pick me up in the evening. Ere kini aja’n ba ekun se? Whish kain play is dog playing with tiger? So, we decided that we would ALL go together when the driver came to pick me up. At the appointed time in the evening, the driver came and we were all dressed and ready to go. We all trooped in, Me, Jako, Manda, Ejiro and Lillian. When we got to his guest house, and he saw us, he was surprised to see so many of us. But being the gentleman that he was, he played the perfect host. He asked us what we would like to eat, to drink … now I don’t know about University students in Nigeria now but in those days, when we were in this kind of situation, we would eat and drink like say there is no tomorrow. Because opportunities like this don’t come every day. (We could be back to soaking garri and buying Klikli on credit from ‘aboki’ at the foyer in Babylon the next day.) So, we told him that we wanted to eat Chinese from Hill Station hotel. We ordered the choicest meals from there and one of my friends whose name I shall not call, ordered bottles of ‘odeku’ – big bottles of Stout. We ate and drank like say, we would not be able to eat like that again for a while. When we were tired, I said we would like to go back to the hostel sir. He said, ‘oh? Why?’ I lied that we had exams the next morning. He then excused himself and went to one of the rooms. He called out me to come. HA! Warahek? How I go take do this? I pretended like I did not hear. After a while, he came out to the living room and said ‘Bunmi, please come. I would like to talk to you’. Dear Lord. I could not refuse without embarrassing him. So, I went to the room with him and immediately, he started groping me. EURGH! SIR! Please! He tried to start roaming his hands over my body. I pushed him away. He begged that I should please not go. That I should let the driver take my friends home. That he thought that I was the only one that would be coming. Hian! This is my very very good friend’s dad o. His daughter and I were tight gan ni o. And he still did this. I begged him to please let me go, that I would tell his daughter if he did not let me go. That did the trick and he let me go back to the hostel with my friends. I did not hear from him again. Not that I wanted to anyway.
Fast forward a few years later and I saw his daughter for the first time since that incidence. I mentioned to her that I had seen her dad a couple of years before at Jos and he had kindly given me a ride to the hostel. She said ‘did he toast you’? I said ‘No o. Haba! How can? When he knew how close you and I were?’ She said she could not put it past him, that as much as he was a perfect father, and responsible husband, he also loved women too much. I said no o. He was very nice and fatherly to me. It is not in my mouth that that they will hear that the baale’s mother has witchcraft.