Mumma G

Dating after divorce Part 2

The other reason for this “inside boyfriend” aka IB is to get u back on the saddle c:ecksu’ally speaking. Chances are by now you have been so distracted getting that good for nothing A hole out your life you don’t even need c:ec’ks anymore! I get it. c:ec’ks is like that – the less you have, the less you are convinced you need it. Till you do it! Then you want to kick yourself for forgetting that as women, we need to feel desired, we need to be touched and gorddammit we need to cu:m’m!!! So push yourself past the discomfort, the lack of desire, the vulnerability – he is an IB – you don’t care what he thinks about your flabby stomach or hairy legs. If you chose right, he should be ready to drink your bath water! Then fu:rrr:rrck. And don’t stop fu:rrr:rrcking till you remember why men are continually ruining their lives over this shit! When you find yourself including “great in bed” in the top 5 qualities you want in a man then you are back baby! Because every great love starts with a physical attraction and if you are not having c:ecks all, all you’ll be thinking about are the practical things and you’ll come off as dull or worse, a prude! Now you are ready to start dating for real.

Now I will be honest – eligible men are thin on the ground in any demographic, never mind the middle aged female one – so be prepared to kiss a couple of frogs before you find your prince. The trick is to date “A LOT” never say no! What have u got to lose? Worst case scenario is you get a free dinner. So your friend whose taste in men leaves a lot to be desired is tryna hook you up? Say yes! Ur boss says you’ll be perfect for his twin brother but your boss looks like a toad? Say yes! Your mum insists u meet her friend’s son who everyone knows is g:_ay? Say yes!!! Why you say? – a couple of reasons. Finding Mr right is going to be a numbers game. The more you do, the better the chances you will find him. So you go on that date with someone you already know you won’t like because it may lead to meeting someone else while keeping your dating game sharp. Maybe the restaurant manager sees that you have a really good way with the waiting staff and offers you a job where you finally meet Mr right. Or on the way to meet your date you pass a billboard that sparks a hobby were you finally meet the one. Or you get stood up and while you were nursing your bruised ego at the bar, yep, you guessed it! Mr right took the seat to your right!

Now it goes without saying that you should make sure you have done the work to heal before you attempt to start dating. If you cannot see the part you played in your last break up for instance, that’s a red flag right there that you are not done healing. Because no matter how much of a ba’st;ard he was it always takes 2 to tango! Or as Dr phil like to put it no matter how flat a pancake is it still has 2 sides. So understand what part you played so that you will not go and repeat the same mistake in your next relationship. Just as you wouldn’t want anyone who is still carrying the emotional baggage of their old relationship into a new one so also you should make sure you are not doing the same. If you spend 90% of the date talking about wat a ba_st’ard your ex is – girlfriend, stay home abeg. You are not ready.

If we are lucky enough to see middle age though, chances are we come with some baggage we will never be able to put down. Have you done time? Have a tattoo of that recording artist you use to date on your ass? Maybe you can never ever show your face at shrine again. On top of that there is even shit you can’t help. Perhaps a special needs child, or crippling debt/student loans or you’ve had a mastectomy, or a serious problem with prescription pills. By 40 we all have something. However, the timing for revealing these things is crucial. Don’t reveal everything on your first date in the spirit of keeping it 100? (ps that’s usually fear not honesty anyway) but give him a chance to know you a lil. He may think you are worth it – but he can’t know that on your first date! Conversely don’t leave it till your wedding night to reveal that you are wanted in all 50 of the United states of America when you know he was planning to move there! That’s a:s:s:h’oley behaviour.

My last piece of advice would be set realistic expectations. You are no longer a child – exercise some common sense. If he looks like Blair underwood, earns like Bill Gates, cares like Pope Francis and leads like Nelson Mandela, bitch you are being played! This is not about not knowing your worth – remember you fart in your sleep now let’s keep it real – it’s about knowing what’s important. You have to look with wise eyes. Focus on character unless you want to get your ass kicked again. Don’t be deceived by fluff – you are not 25! If you just want to have fun, that’s different. But if you are seriously considering marrying a bad bwoy, or a Yoruba de-mon, or man about town type simply because his rebelliousness does something to your nether regions, my dear I can’t epp you! You should have done step one so you can get any guy to hook you up cos you know your body. Instead of waiting on some false hope from a community pern:is that will surely ruin you!

So focus on wats real, do not take rejection personally because I promise you, it’s never about you and most importantly have fun!!!! You have absolutely nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain. Good luck!

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