DATING AFTER 40 OR AFTER A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP by AMERICANA, OUR GUEST WRITER.
If you have been out of the dating game for any considerable amount of time, going back can be nothing short of terrifying. You probably remember how much work you had to put in to set yourself apart the first time around and you were younger then and with way more time on your hands! Now here you are – 5,10, 20,30 years later – perhaps losing the battle against middle age spread, with work and kid commitments that are sure to suck away all the easy breezy carefree feelings you need to get romantic. And not to mention that embarrassing health problem you’ve acquired since the last time you dated. Honestly all that is enough to make the brightest eyed, bushy tailed optimist quit and stay single for ever!!!!
Fear not – you are not alone and it really is not as bad as you think. I promise.
First, let’s start with the good news. In the middle of our terror we make some wrong assumptions – one is who our competition is and who we are competing for. We forget they too are middle aged with responsibilities up the wazoo! And enough health problems to keep the hundreds of thousands of health workers we churn out each year employed! In other words, you may need to worry if you are trying to date Idris Elba but you are not. You are trying to date Tunde from accounting who you heard lost his wife 5 years ago and has been a single dad ever since. You see the thing about Tunde is that he is more likely going to be interested in your ability to whip up dinner from limited ingredients than the ratio of your waaa-aist to your hips. He is more likely to be impressed with how you deal with the jumped up school principal than your ability to t’we-rk. And he is damn sure going to be more interested in your earning potential than your dress size. See? Things are looking better already!
Nevertheless, you are probably still wondering about your competition. Those annoying middle age women that look 20! Making everything look easy while you are forever running around like a headless chicken! Fe::k that b’ee:sh – I would put good money on it that she is boring as fe:k! So we are making her a non mother effin factor and moving on!
So on to some tips to help u navigate the Vegas years dating scene
First off get you some pen:n:::nis! Wait! Don’t stop reading, I’m going somewhere with this. If you just came out of a long term relationship, chances are he stopped seeing all the good in you much less telling you a long time ago. If not y’all will still be together. No? Your confidence has probably taking a worse battering than Donald Trump before the election! Maybe, he even said some soul crushing s’h:it like who will want you now after 3 kids? You got fat or you got old or you got used up or any of the other shit A:-:ho’les: spew. Even in the best case scenario the fact is we stop seeing the good in our partner once we have been with them for a while. You need someone to remind you of all the things you use to love about yourself – and no your girlfriends’ pep talk won’t cut it. Neither will your mom’s stories of how amazing you were in your primary school play, or your boss’ constant and relentless praise about that shit you do with pivot tables in excel! No! The only thing that will cut it is the genuine admiration of a full blooded male who has seen you n’a:k’ed. In other words, find yourself a luu:uuvr. Preferably someone younger who will be in awe of you… and if they are middle aged that’s fine too as long as they are fit and have every reason to think the sun shines out of your de::r:ri:ere. What I’m trying to say is don’t choose your equal – choose that hot piece of ass you would never be seen outside with. What my girlfriend and I refer to as an “indoor boyfriend” he is there to remind you how beautiful your smile is, what a problem your a-s’s is, how distracting your walk is, how thoughtful or deep or funny or smart etc you are. All the shit your ex had taken for granted and stopped noticing years ago. He is here to remind you of all that is amazing about you so you can go back out there armed with the full knowledge of your worth.
to be cont…
‘Americana’ is our guest writer, she is in her 40s and is based in America. You like her? We love her!