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Try to slay

Plz, eyin slay queens, how do you use to do it, e daakun please?

So, I went to Naija high. As I was getting dressed in the morning, I asked Lawyerman if my tummy was big, he said ‘infact ehn’? That when he saw me in the kitchen a few days ago, he was like ‘WHOA’! So, I decided to wear a tummy girdle. He said ‘ehen!? So that is the secret of your beauty’? I said geraway jo. I hardly wear gardle. I am only wearing it today because I feel that my tummy is quite big today and you also confirmed it.

So, I wore my tummy girdle and then, wanting a Jessica Rabbit shape, wore a Kohstay padded bra as well. Flat(ish) tummy, big yansh and big boobs on fleek. And since I was going to have my picture taken for my passport which I will be using for the next 5 years DV, I decided to use false eyelashes too. Oju t’ohn soro. Eyes that talk. The right eyelash felt uncomfortable after a while. And so did the tummy girdle. That is why I don’t wear tummy girdles! They dig into your skin so badly! Anyway, when I could take the discomfort no more, right there on the train to London Bridge, I pulled out my silk blouse that I had previously tucked in. And unclipped the million and one clips on the tummy gardle. Ah… -bliss’ I thought as I felt my tummy escape the confines of the prison I had put it in and hang loose and free. Like my late mum, D.I would say, ‘mi o le wa ku l’on gbeyin ole’. I can’t come and die is what ends the lazy.

And the kohstay bra!? OMG! I have not worn a Kotstay padded bra in a loooong time. My left boob kept popping out! Lol. I kept using style to re-adjust it in public. Not a good look.

Still the false right eyelashes kept irritating me. Ladies and gentlemen, imagine my dismay when I looked at the piece of paper that high comm officer gave me with my captured picture on it. I looked like Paris Hilton. The eyelash that had been irritating me was actually hanging loose halfway. So, in the picture, I had one large eye and one lazy looking eye. Yes. And that is what I will be carrying around for the next 5 years, DV.

Slay queen, how do you do it?


This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. On that girdle. I wore to work yesterday and today. I found myself slipping it off in my office with one eye, i was using the other eye to check if someone was coming my way. That thing is so much discomfort jare. The eyelashes are cute tho, if you get it fixed well, it brings out one kain boldness in your eyes.

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