On Sticky Funny Housemates situations.
I was talking to a friend who is in a sticky housemate situation today. She has housing problem and needs to move ASAP. She had to move out of her house and as a stop gap between when she gets her own place, she moved in with a friend. She called me today. She needs to move like yesterday. Apparently, her friend performs nnnnoooo:oooky with the boyfriend right in front of my friend. So, my friend needs to move ASAP. I said are you sure she does not want you to join in? As per kkkkkkkii:nkky stuvs? Hmmm… Naija woman like to form holy holy outside but are very hot inside! I asked her this because I have been in the same situation before.
I had a friend with housing problems staying with me. One day, she told me her new boyfriend was coming to visit that night. Ba kumi na. The (oyinbo) boyfriend came and we all sat in the sitting room, watching EastEnders or some other rubbish like that. After a while, I started hearing kisi kisi noises. The lights were off as we were watching TV. But soon enough, I started hearing huuun…huuun… they were in the swing of thing. So, I jejeli got up and as I got up, they invited me to join in. Errrmmm… No thanks.
On another occasion, a mutual friend had told us she was spending the night with us. When she got there, we all had a great time and when it got to bed time, since it was a one-bedroom flat, as per gracious owner, I said that I would sleep in the sitting and the two of them could have the double bed in the room. About half an hour later, I needed to get something in the room and after knocking went in to get what I needed to get. The air was thick with tension. I did not know what was going on but something told me the tension was sseeeeeeeeexuuaal. But how could it be sseeeeeeeeexuuaal tension I asked myself when they were not le’sbi:ans and furthermore the guest was a church worker who spent all the days of the week in the church.
The next day, my flatmate kept sleeping and sleeping and no matter how much we shook her to wake up, she just kept sleeping like say dem break eggs in her tummy. The guest kept waiting for my flatmate to wake up but my flatmate just kept hugging the duvet. After a few hours, the guest had to leave. No sooner had I shut the door behind our guest did my flatmate wake up! It was then confirmed that she was avoiding our guest. Apparently, our guest, the spirikoko church worker almost rap-ed my flatmate in bed! And that was the reason my flatmate refused to wake up to see her. It was a very sticky situation.
Another day, I was brushing my teeth in the flat, in just a flimsy b-ra top and panties. Na so o, out of nowhere, my flatmate just grabbed my bbbbbboooobs from behind! Ermmm… what was that about? She then confessed that she found me sseeeeeeeeexuuaali attractive and that seeing me walking around everyday like that was torture for her and she could not hold it anymore. Could we be luuuuuurvers? Ermmmm… in as much as I thought that the female body is extremely xenss:uaal and s’e:xy, I could not be in a sseeeeeeeeexuuaal position with her. So, the situation in the house was a bit terse to say the least.
If I had a pound for sticky situations like this, I should be a very rich woman indeed.