I used to be spirikoko. And ridiculously so. SMH @ me of then. I would only date ‘brothers’ in the church. And in those days, there were plenty wolves in sheep’s clothing in the church. Brothers that would raise holy hands in the morning and then, in the evening run unholy hands over a girl’s body.
When I used to attend a certain Naija church in London, it was almost the norm. It got so bad that one day, the pastor had to make an impassioned plea for the congregation to stop the rampant for-nica-tion, that it was making prayers ineffective. He complained that people were spending unholy weekends with members of the opposite gender and were metaphorically and literally rising from the fornication bed to come to church. I think the congregation heeded him. Because a few months later, he made another impassioned plea. He noticed that people were avoiding coming to church from the fornication bed on Sundays so, what they started doing was going to spend unholy nights on the days that they knew they would not be going to church the next day. That sorted the problem of fornicating before church. Or did it?
I had a male friend then. Not my boyfriend o. Just a friend who was male and he jisted me of how he would go for Night vigil and then he and the worship leader would meet at her house for a night of unbridled pas’sio:n. In their defence… lol. There is no defence actually.
So, me sef, mek I no lie. I joined them in the ridiculous spirikokoism. I insisted on only dating church brothers. And these church brothers *in Falz’s voice* ‘Ho mine jeezuz’! They were worse than the world guys. Because when you are dating a church brother, you lower your defences. You don’t notice the signs that tell you that brother Lagbaja is oni sino – promiscuity expert. So, mesef, I was ‘dating’ one brother Fems. You see that I put the dating in quotes? Lol. Brother Fems would only call me at night to tell me that he missed me. And could he come over to mine? Brother Fems lived in Camden and I lived in Ealing. Brother Fems would say he HAD TO SEE ME THAT NIGHT. Of course, me sef wey don dey suffer low self esteem small small would tell him to come over na. And he would then say, you know it is 11pm now. I can’t take the train o. I have to take a cab. And low self-esteem me would say no problem. And brother Femz would say, shey you know you are paying? And I would say no problem. So, I would be paying for Brother Femz b:o_o:ty call to me. And did I tell you that brother Fems would come to my house and take whatever money he saw lying around the house? And would even tell me he saw a certain designer shirt somewhere and could I buy it for him? And of course, I would.
Then I found out that brother Femz was doing the same thing to sister Tina. IN THE SAME CHURCH. Then I found out that Brother Femz even had a child that in Naija that he conveniently forgot to tell us. I was oh so heartbroken. I confided in our youth pastor. I asked him to pray for me, for G’o_d to turn the heart of Brother Femi to me because The Bible said that the heart of the king is in the hand of the Lord and he turneth it whichever way. It must have taken the pastor all his effort to restrain himself from slapping me. Lol. I was actually comparing a lothario to a king. Yes. That was how ridiculously spirikoko I was.
Oh… lol @ my erstwhile stupidity.