My friend Ola is a hoot. We only just became friends in the past few months but we fit live a hand in gloves. We were on the phone a few days ago gisting about how marriage was shacking us when we got married.
In the early days, she would serve her husband in at least THREE different places. One plate for the rice, another plate for the stew, yet another one for the meats and another one for the dodo. And her would only take the plates to the kitchen but never washed the plates. She would be washing the plates and be fuming at the same time at the amount of plates that she had. FOUR plates when ONE would have done. So, one day, she complained about his not washing plates even though she ‘yeesi’ – pampered him by serving his food in so many plates. And her husband dropped the clanger – he actually preferred to have the rice, meat, dodo and stew in ONE plate. Ok. No one taught her to stop it. Then, she said she also had his special plate and cup and mug and drinking glass that no one dared touch. Lol. She said that Sunday afternoon were spent making love till they both almost died of exhaustion. She said after lunch, he husband would say, ‘come to Daddy’ and she too would skip and sit on his legs like a little girl. They would start smooching from the living room and daddy would carry her to the room where they would do things that no Daddy should do to their girl till they both almost died of exhaustion. This went on for a couple of years. Then from ‘come to daddy’ it became ‘oya, je k’a lo si yara’ – come, let us go to the room and they would go to the room. To sleep. Now, nothing. Lol.
My early days in marriage were like that too. JOPA had told me that a man must not be starved of LOVE MAKING, GOOD FOOD AND COMPANIONSHIP. And I took this his teaching to be the holy grail of a happy marriage. So, even though I did not like cooking, I would be slaving away in the kitchen. Lawyerman would call me from work and ask me to cook specific things for him. If I did not have the ingredients at home, I would quickly rush to the Naija shop to buy the ingredients and make sure I had it ready for him. Also, love making nko? I felt that I had to be available EVERYTIME! Even when I was ill, if he wanted it, I had to want it. Or so, I thought. And when Aunty Flo was around, then oral was the order of the day. Lawyerman must have thought that he had died and gone to heaven. The companionship was easy. He is my best friend but when we had quanta, I would feel that we had to quickly resolve it and get back to being friends again – even if ‘settling’ meant brushing it under the carpet. As long as we were talking, we were ok. Or so I thought.
Till I gave myself brain. Ah. Marriage is for life o. Start as you mean to go on.