I could have committed ince’st’ sha. EURGH! I was talking to my egbon today (blood egbon o, not village egbon. I don’t come from a village. I’m a proper Isale Eko girl) and he casually mentioned that our grandfather, Papa Idunmota’s mother was a Shitta Bey! Jesus is Lord! I did not know that? I know my paternal grandfather, Samuel Ogunseye Ajai AKA Papa Idunmota, was born a Muslim and had converted to Christianity when he was a child on his own accord. Family history has it that he used to go past a Christian primary school on his way to Keu (Quranic) classes. And those Keu lemamus (teachers) were notorious for severely beating their students. He would go past this Christian primary school where his age mates were learning in tranquillity and he wanted that for himself. So, even as a young lad, he decided to approach the school and tell them how he wanted to change to this school of tranquillity as he did not like the severe beating he was collecting at the Keu class. And the rest is history. He faced serious backlash from his family over his decision to stop attending Keu and start attending a Christian school. But he was undeterred.
So, my dad, was actually a first generation Christian. Me and my sisters used to make fun of him behind his back because my Dad took his Christianity very seriously. For example, he did not like us going to watch the Adamu orisa – Eyo festival. Thank Go’d for my mum who loved watching it. So, my dad would drop us off at his dad’s for the day and come back for us in the evening. Those were happy days. A lot of my male cousins were Eyos. Most of my grandfather’s descendants would just descend at our family house at 128 Enu Owa Street, Idunmota. Everyone came with food and drinks so, we would eat eat eat, drink, drink, drink, play, play, play. And sometimes, my Eyo cousins, would take us kids under their wings and take us with them on their outings. In those days, the Eyos were not consigned to Tafawa Balawa Square. They roamed the whole of Lagos Island from Obalende to the edge of Iddo on Carter bridge. So, my sisters and I would be like ‘Ki lo ti’en se Daddy yi? What’s wrong with this Daddy? With all his Brodami Sikiru and Kozinmi Sabitiu, and Antimi Shaki, he will be forming Christian Christian. While my Mum, who did come from a more established Christian family was laid back about these things.
So, back to my ‘inc:est‘ story. Some years ago, I had a ‘toaster’ who is a Shitta-Bey. I did not go out with him, thankfully. The guy was a good match. On paper. Tall? Check. Rich? Check. Good looking? Check. These were all on paper. But in reality? He was condescending and vainglorious. And he used to wear Michael Jackson type jackets – with fake military medals all over. We were supposed to be going on a date to the movies. I was dressed up to the nines. I was a hot’tie then. No childbirth and old age to dull my swag. Mini skirt, turtle neck wool top, black wool tights, black knee length boots. I knew I was looking hot. And I used to go to ‘Jamo’ saloons in those days. Those people know how to style permed hair, no be joke. So, the Shitta-Bey guy arrives at my Ealing flat and tells me we are not going out. That we would stay in my flat and watch TV. Yeah right. Lol. Bobo fe se ‘sumtin sumtin’. He wants to do sumtin sumting *in Maxwell’s voice*. So, I told him, no sir. We are not sitting in the flat to watch TV. My self-esteem was still high in those days. That was before London dating started eroding my self-esteem. Kai! Dating in London suc’ks! Allah kwa. I should do a piece or a series on my dating experiences as a single girl. Actually, come to think of it, let’s do a competition of the worse dating experience in time for Easter. Send in your horror dating story and whoever wins gets a Simnel* Cake for Easter. Deal?
I showed him the door, he did not want to go, he wanted to start doing touching stuvs. I said Nope. Vaya con Dios sir. Go with Go’d. So, thankfully, there was no second date. I told my friend who was trying to match-make us not to try that again please. But what if? What if we had gotten on and then proceeded to get together and start making Shitta-Bey babies? EURGH! Thank Go’d for my high self- esteem.
So, send in your horror dating story. Even if you are now married. Let’s see who has the worst story. There will be a 3-person panel to judge. The judges will be announced later. You can see that I have not thought this through. Lol.
*If the Winner is based in Nigeria, they will get what the baker can make for them.