BE CAREFUL OF YOU LISTEN TO OR ASK FOR ADVICE.
I am a keen advocate of destigmatising one’s situation by speaking out. Y’all know that I speak out a lot. And that is why I have nothing but respect for Toke Makinwa. I tell you, it is not easy to put oneself out there. From this her book (that I have not read) and the excerpts that I have seen, I will do a ‘lessons learnt’ post. In project management, you need to do a ‘lessons learnt’ after a project. The main lesson is this – BE CAREFUL WHO YOU GO TO FOR ADVICE OR LOOK UP TO OR LISTEN TO.
1 People who don’t practice what they preach.
I did not know of the girl Toke until when my sister, Dupeola played her video for me a couple of years ago. I thought she was sassy and witty and no nonsense kind of girl. I thought she was tough with the way she was dishing the relationship advice. Then, I found out that her husband or is it boyfriend had cheated on her. For a long time as well. So, why was she telling people to not take sheet from a man. But we still did not know for sure what happened. Now, the excerpts of the book that I am seeing shows that she was taking in that relationship, the very thing that she was telling people to not take. She knew what was going on it would seem.
2 People who have not been in a similar situation.
When I was in my 7 wilderness years with Dafe, and I would be crying upandan, there was a friend who constantly told me that they could not take that kind of sheet from a man and just basically made me feel like a stewpid ejeet. Then she fell for a guy that makes Dafe look like the pope. If someone has not been in the same situation or similar and they are harsh in their criticism of you, avoid them. What do they know?
Married women who married straight from their fathers’ houses and in their early 20s and who don’t understand the loneliness of being single in one’s 30s… 40s… telling you that you are desperate. What do they know?
Financial adviser that is telling you off for being in debt but is secretly drowning in debt.
Woman who gets pregnant like a pig telling a woman who has been trying to conceive for years that the woman’s faith is not strong for wanting assisted conception or adoption. What does she know?
Someone doing fraud and making you feel like you are unserious in life for not having made it big like they have.
Spirikoko sister or brother telling you are a sinner for clubbing or drinking alcohol but who secretly visits a Babalawo or Dibia.
All lizards lie on their tummies, you don’t know which has tummy ache. If you feel bad after confiding in someone about your issues, that is probably your intuition warning you. Our intuitions are NEVER wrong. We just don’t listen to them.