Plz, eyin slay queens, how do you use to do it, e daakun please?
So, I went to Naija high. As I was getting dressed in the morning, I asked Lawyerman if my tummy was big, he said ‘infact ehn’? That when he saw me in the kitchen a few days ago, he was like ‘WHOA’! So, I decided to wear a tummy girdle. He said ‘ehen!? So that is the secret of your beauty’? I said geraway jo. I hardly wear gardle. I am only wearing it today because I feel that my tummy is quite big today and you also confirmed it.
So, I wore my tummy girdle and then, wanting a Jessica Rabbit shape, wore a Kohstay padded bra as well. Flat(ish) tummy, big yansh and big boobs on fleek. And since I was going to have my picture taken for my passport which I will be using for the next 5 years DV, I decided to use false eyelashes too. Oju t’ohn soro. Eyes that talk. The right eyelash felt uncomfortable after a while. And so did the tummy girdle. That is why I don’t wear tummy girdles! They dig into your skin so badly! Anyway, when I could take the discomfort no more, right there on the train to London Bridge, I pulled out my silk blouse that I had previously tucked in. And unclipped the million and one clips on the tummy gardle. Ah… -bliss’ I thought as I felt my tummy escape the confines of the prison I had put it in and hang loose and free. Like my late mum, D.I would say, ‘mi o le wa ku l’on gbeyin ole’. I can’t come and die is what ends the lazy.
And the kohstay bra!? OMG! I have not worn a Kotstay padded bra in a loooong time. My left boob kept popping out! Lol. I kept using style to re-adjust it in public. Not a good look.
Still the false right eyelashes kept irritating me. Ladies and gentlemen, imagine my dismay when I looked at the piece of paper that high comm officer gave me with my captured picture on it. I looked like Paris Hilton. The eyelash that had been irritating me was actually hanging loose halfway. So, in the picture, I had one large eye and one lazy looking eye. Yes. And that is what I will be carrying around for the next 5 years, DV.
Slay queen, how do you do it?