Ashewo

The short-changed ashewo by guest writer Ijeoma Chinonyerem

One cold Saturday morning 5 years ago, I and my neighbours at my compound in Abakaliki where I lived as a student woke up to a woman shouting. Okwa serious shout o. I wanted to maintain the snobbish status I had acquired in that compound and stick to my bed but the shouts were getting louder. On an environmental sanitation Saturday no less.

 

I gave in and went outside. A lady was jacking one of my landlord’s friend by his trousers, pulling him back and forth, shouting “pay me my 3 tasand o. Na condition make Crayfish bend. Oga you musto pay me today otherwise two of us go die here o”.

 

Say what! Who forming snob epp? I needed that gist more than my lungs needed oxygen.

 

My landlord came out and tried to intercede. To understand the gist you have to know that my landlord has a room he rents to his friends for action. Short time, 500 naira. Long time or overnight, 1000. Everyone who has ever visited me knows this. His friends and their ‘catch’ sit and drink while waiting for the doer to finish and come and gist them so the next couple will enter.

 

As a matter of fact, there was a time he was using a room near ours. Me and my neighbour would be hearing kpokiri kpokiri in what we thought was an empty room. We didn’t know there was a secret door for his friends to come and do. One night the noise got too much that my neighbour woke up and started serious midnight prayer. Witches and wizards something. I was responding with Amen without knowing that people were just having fun.

 

Now back to the gist. Turns out that the screaming lady was an ashawo. She told him that short time was 1000 and TDB was 3000. The man opted for TDB. They got back to the room, he did one round for a long time and slept off. In the morning he refused to pay 3000 because he did only one round.

 

The babe was now shouting, “dat one round wey you do long pass one awa. How you go dey on top person like dat? You dey dig bore hole? Na me ask you make you no do again? You go know me today o. Oga pay me now now o. If to say you dismiss me dat time you know how many customers I suppose don get? You say make I wait say e go rise again. Rise e no rise. Na my fault?”

 

The man whose tiny ego must have been bruised told the lady that he didn’t ‘rise’ again because she couldn’t do. That her doing skills were like eating sour egusi.

What a beautiful morning it was.

 

My landlord drew the man to the side and told him to pay up before passers-by would report the scene to his wife. That this was the reason he advised him to be doing with those pino pino umuazi not ashewos that will embarrass you.

 

Dude listened and grudgingly paid up. The babe no gree release am. She deftly counted the money with one hand and put it inside her bra before shoving him away with curses. By that time the whole street had converged. She did not send. She couldn’t leave because of the environmental sanitation so she sat down and ordered small stout.

 

See eh, that babe is the truth!!! Much respect to her wherever she is.

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  1. (CNN)Fareed Zakaria said Saturday that though many liberals think they are tolerant, often they aren’t.

    Zakaria noted that “at the height of commencement season,” many new graduates across the country had made their political views apparent, from the Notre Dame students who walked out as Vice President Mike Pence gave his commencement address to the crowd members who booed Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos during a speech at Bethune-Cookman University.
    “American universities seem committed to every kind of diversity except intellectual diversity. Conservative voices and views are being silenced entirely,” Zakaria said.
    The CNN host said he found this attitude strange, especially given that these incidents occurred on college campuses that “promised to give their undergraduates a liberal education.”
    “The word liberal in this context has nothing to do with today’s partisan language, but refers instead to the Latin root, pertaining to liberty. And at the heart of liberty in the Western world has been freedom of speech. From the beginning, people understood that this meant protecting and listening to speech with which you disagreed,” Zakaria argued.
    That means, he said, not drowning out “the ideas that we find offensive.”
    In addition, Zakaria noted what he called “an anti-intellectualism” on the left.
    “It’s an attitude of self-righteousness that says we are so pure, we’re so morally superior, we cannot bear to hear an idea with which we disagree,” he said.
    “Liberals think they are tolerant but often they aren’t,” he added.
    No one, he continued, “has a monopoly on right or virtue.”
    In fact, it is only by being open to hearing opposing views that people on both sides of the political spectrum can learn something, Zakaria said.
    “By talking seriously and respectfully about agreements and disagreements, we can come together in a common conversation,” he said.
    “Recognizing that while we seem so far apart, we do actually have a common destiny.”

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