Our guest writer shares with us her mother’s story of domestic violence and her leaving the abuse to leave.
My mum got married to my dad and she had only me for him before she left cos of the abuse and neglect, she said that my father was into other women and they were frustrating her life, he doesn’t keep money for her needs or mine and when she couldn’t bear it anymore she left.
Her eldest sister took her to Benin and they were taking care of me cos my mum had me when she was 20 so the sister sent her back to school to further her education and I was left with my grandmother. After six years of separation she remarried and by then I have started living with one of my mum’s sister in Aba and finally I lost contact with my mum, I forgot what she looks like cos of her new marriage, she was involved in the marriage and care less of me, yes I was with the sister but I grew up like a maid, there is nothing that I didn’t sell and most times I slept outside the house without food for days that made me to start stealing neighbour’s food and money but my mum didn’t show up and I didn’t know why.
Fastword to 1998,my father showed up that he has been looking for me all these years and after much pleading I went back to him cos I needed someone to show me love and till now he has not failed.
Back to mom, I never knew that all these years she was being abused by her husband, he said he is a pastor but had children from three different women aside my mum, he forbid her from coming to see me or bring me over to his place and my mum was hiding because she wants to stay married, she didn’t allow her to work or do any business in fact he wants to defender her useless, she was suffering bearing her pains alone because people and some other useless pastors told her to stay that God hate divorce, my mom was doing little business at home and he will collect the money from her and give to his concubines, he was answering the virtuous woman whose life was slipping from her finger yet she can’t do anything cos of her kids, she has five of them for him until one day I visited her, I saw the fear in her eyes because I came, she was begging me to go that she will come and fetch me at the right time, I was angry, felt betrayed that my own mum could feel this way about me then the so called husband came back and met me, immediately he changed towards me that it is my mother who has refused to bring me and all that ,then I have gained admission to the university.
Then the abused continue, most times he will throw her out naked ,beat her up, collect all her money and my mom will be begging him, neighbours will come and beg, she will sign undertaking that she won’t insult him or disobey his orders, the abuse was much and my naÃ¯ve mum was bearing all these because of what people will say that she left my father and again she has left her husband, people’s opinion becomes the reason why she was suffering from the beast’s hand and you know what anytime am around he becomes the sweet husband that even my mother don’t want me to go cos my presence gives her happiness but once am out, he continued.
He stopped her from keeping friends, he is a pastor but nobody knows my mom as the pastor’s wife, she doesn’t have any role in that church rather he has a so called prophetess and coir mistress that he sleeps with, they are in charge of the women fellowship of the church and my mom does not have a say, he was bringing different women to the house and slept with them and then for five years he has not slept with his wife, no matter how she package herself the man no dey see her, my mom was dying from HBP, severe headache all the time and yet she refused to leave cos of her children and one fake man of devil
Fast forward to 2003,I came to visit her cos Asuu was on strike and am in my final year, in my presence he slapped her cos she didn’t prepare the meal on time and his concubine is around, like a flash I saw my mother’s life being taken away from me, I stood up to him, I held his shirt, I was mad cos I couldn’t take it any more, how dare you raise ur hand on a woman whose BP is 180/70,he started threatening me on how my mother can never ever leave him despite all he has done to her ,he will kill her and bury her and nothing will happen, I was angry and could you imagine that right there my mum was begging him and ask me to apologise to him then I knew really that she is under manipulation, her kids then were 10,8,6,4,1
She was asking to leave him that she can’t leave her kids cos they are young, I called my dad and narrated everything to him and also for financial assistance because I want to move my mum out of that house immediately, I called her sisters and brothers and narrated and my mother’s brother that is a pastor in Deeper life kicked against my moving her out the house that God hate divorce, the insult that I gave to him is still fresh in his memory and you know what his own daughter that got married two years ago has left the husband cos of DV,I rented a house with the help of my dad, and stormed the man’s house with some policemen that my dad arranged for me and picked her things and the kids, he was threatening me on how I will never marry since I have separated him from his wife, that one no dey pain cos if marriage na like you I will be a Reverend sister, I took her to the hospital for proper treatment and warned her never to go back to him though it was difficult for her to pick her life back but God is on her side, today three of her kids are graduates and she has a big shop where she sells provisions, she is doing very well because she agreed with me to leave and live, she endured all years of torture because of what people will say, yes people indeed talked but it didn’t add or remove anything from her and I am happy that I gave her a reason to leave and she can’t thank me enough. Now the husband is begging for forgiveness because he is sick and wants to come and dump his fragile body for my mum to take care and she knows what I will do if I hear that he is back to that house, he has other women that he married and paid their bride price also, he should go there and his members too should take care of their G.O.my mum is looking so young now that people thinks that she is my sister because she left an abusive marriage. Sisters please leave and pray, watch war room from afar not in the lion’s den
When my hubby heard the story after our marriage he was like ‘ Babe if you can separate ur mom from her husband for her to live that means any mistake from me na die be that,of course he knows.
SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. THANKS AUNTY BUMI FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY