Survival Of Dv

Double abuse survivor guest writer.

From my inbox. She is double survivor – of her father’s sexual abuse and her husband’s physical abuse.

Hi Sis, I have read some of you posts through some of the mutual friends we share, and I have to say, I have come to develop more respect and admiration for you over the past months. Your post on mental health- depression and anxiety that I read this morning resonate with me deeply. I’ll tell you a little about me: I’m a divorced mum of two kids, I’ve lived in the UK for close to 18yrs. I was sexually abused by my biological father for close to 6yrs from the age of 11, my mum and siblings didn’t believe me for a long time and when they eventually did, they lived in a state of denial and up till now, they’ll rather not talk about it.

I got married hastily as soon as I finished my final exams at University- just to get away from home. I met my ex- husband when I was in my 200L- didn’t really notice all the signs about his character then, or should I say, I refused to notice them. As far as I was concerned then, he was my gateway ticket, my God sent, my Moses that came to rescue me. Relocated to England in 1999, and the man that I thought was a God sent became an abuser as well. At the slightest argument, I get slapped and punched- it started whilst I was pregnant with our first child. Long story short, 6yrs ago, he left for another woman. Leaving me to care for our two children.

You might be wondering why I told you these short story about myself- just to let you into my emotional state. Jumping from the frying pan to the fire! I became very depressed and at different points, I considered suicide! I was lucky enough to be amongst Christians who are not judgemental( predominantly white folks); people who accept that God never promised that we won’t face trials and tribulations, what we are promised is that He shall take us through trials and comforts us in the midst of our trials! I went for counselling for about 3yrs- I have to say, I was prescribed antidepressants, but I chose not to take it for my personal reasons. I chose to keep a journal, this has helped me to write down how I feel at every moment. My kids have also been my motivation- they’ve both helped me to see the positive side of my life. My job has also given me a positive purpose and reason to keep moving forward. I have few good friends who are very supportive and non-judgmental as well.

Recently, February this year to be precise, I had another bouts of depression, this was as a result of finding out that my ex- husband’s girlfriend had a baby. I totally shut down and I struggled with accepting the fact that he’s starting a new family while I struggled on my own with two children. I called out to friends that I trusted to pray and help me. I’m doing very fine right now, I have come through the dark side.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and being real. Sending you and yours positive thoughts and love.

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