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Tips for a HAPPY marriage.

A Facebook  aburo sent me a message yesterday. She wanted a divorce lawyer in Naija. Do I know of one she asked. I said yes. But wait o, I hope it is not for you. She said yes sis, it might be. Ha! But you just got married na. She said yes, she just did, but she is beginning to have doubts. I said, mschew. That is normal na. You are not perfect, he is not perfect so, as you are having doubts, so maybe he sef may be having doubts about you. She said, egbon, iz nor like dat. We are always arguing. All we do is fight over the phone and even when we see each other, na fight fight fight fight fight. He says I am too stubborn, that I am too free spirited. I said he should accept me the way that I am.

 

I laughed. I said to her even a few days ago sef, Lawyerman called me the same thing when I told him that I don’t live my life by what others expect me to do but by what I feel is right by me and by God. She said, I want him to love me and accept me for me and not try to change me. I said but if what he is asking you to change is not of your core value, you can change na. And he too can change what you want him to change that is not of core value to him. Both of you can find an equilibrium.

 

Before I met Lawyerman, I loved to flirt verbally. Oh! I could flirt for Europe (and we know Oyinbos can like to flirt). I just thought that it was a mark of intelligence if a man can carry on a conversation of double entendres with me and not be dirty. Lawyerman did not like it. He said for a man, a conversation of double entrendres meant one thing – the girl wants sex. To me, I did not want sex, I was just having fun. This thing caused a whole lot of trouble and fights for us. Then one day, I said to myself, this flirting that I am flirting that is causing my darling so much pain, is it core to me? Does it put money in my account? NO was the answer to both. So, I stopped it. Today, I would not even be able to flirt verbally with a man even if my life depended on it. I have lost the skill. And my man has not had any cause to complain over that anymore.

 

Lawyerman still thinks I am stubborn o. And I still think that he too conservative for my liking. Sometimes in my mind, I am like e ma gba mi keh! Even JOPA was not like dis keh. We still argue and there are things that he has asked me to change which I have not changed and which I don’t feel the conviction to change. But we don’t have our explosive fights anymore. Ina ti Lawyerman gbe sori, o ti so si’le. The faya he carried on his head, he has put it down. We are now happily married.

 

I asked my Facebook aburo to look for her husband’s mumu button. My own husband’s mumu button is this – he likes to feel domineering. So, if I want something really bad, and I know he would most likely say no, I kneel down in front of him and ask him is a soft voice.  I wait till when I have given him a round of explosive nookie and jejeli ask him. He does not like it when you tell him you are doing something whether he likes it or not. I told her the first couple of years in a marriage is difficult as both partners jostle for upper hand but on getting an equilibrium, there will be peace in the marriage.

 

So, this is an invitation for HAPPILY married couple to share their tips for ensuring a long lasting happy marriage. The operative word here is HAPPY. HAPPY. If your marriage is not a happy one, please use your church mind and stay quiet and take notes and maybe use it in yours so that your marriage may be happy too.

This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. It took me like 2 years to settle in my marriage, I just couldn’t understand what I was doing with this impossible man. Until one day we were arguing and he said, all I want is for you to say sorry, I was like is that all 😳😳. I didn’t know he wasn’t into arguing, he just wanted to make a point and move on swiftly. The settling down period was very hard for me, we both said a lot of hurtful things to each other ( he was worse than I). But when we started to understand each other, we argued less. Please lady be a little bit more patient, I thought I hooked a monster but realised he just wanted me a little bit submissive ( I was a hot head).

  2. I would have enjoyed the article but the Yoruba expressions had me confused. You could try translating for those of us who don’t understand Yoruba, unless of course we are not welcome.

  3. I have been married for 9 years now and so far it’s been more of good. There are three sides to everything….good, bad and ugly. The first 2 years were hellish. We were always fighting, throwing insults at each other until I learnt to be submissive. Submission did it for me. Not proving to know it all. Passing my message subtly instead of forcing it down his throat. Allowing him to walk away when he’s angry instead of saying “don’t walk out on me”. Who I be sef?

    We still fight but they are small fights that end almost immediately. He never walks out on me anymore- I still don’t know how I did it. It’s been bliss…..

  4. I have had my ups and downs too but am settling down after 14yrs. It takes a short time for some and longer for others. Dear aburo u need patience to have a beautiful home. Understand that there is hierarchy in marriage your husband being the official head but when u learn d pepefuru ( can’t translate) u know how to reign but ur husband still believes he made d decision. Mutual respect is important talk to him with a spirit of mildness and watch him reciprocate. Please pray together because when God is in a marriage problems will be few. A third fold cord in ur marriage is God If God is in marriage that cord can’t be easily broken. Seek marriage counselors now. Divorce lawyer is the last option. All the best

  5. me I am kuku not married. but I think one of the problems is going into marriage n leaving the door opened, as in, you always tell yourself you can always walk out of the marriage if it doesn’t work. divorce to me should not be an option except in some extreme cases. but what do I know? I am kuku not married lol

  6. Afi mumu button, lolz. Truly they need to make little compromise for each other. Understand each other and communicate well. By the way am happily single, lolz

  7. Aunty mi, I guess what helps me is that I got loads of advice from people who love and care about me so things am seeing now just make me smile. Also I hear the first years at usually the hardest so let’s hope it’s just that phase for the poster.plus like you always say communication is 🔑

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