Ask Jopaspeople

Ask Jopaspeople

Hello Jopaspeople! Lol. I quite like that identification jare. I hope you like it too. So, I get a lot of people asking for advice, either in a personal category or from my friends. Some people asked Jopaspeople to advice them but I was not sure if we should do that. But by popular demand, we will be advising people here.

Hear Jopasperson Joy’s story and advice her please.

 

I met my ex husband when I was in my final year in school, he came for his transcripts cos he finished from the same school a year before I got in. I was 20 years old then. We had a distant relationship as he was working in Lagos then while I was in school. I got into another relationship in school then and the guy knew about ex-hubby and always made a joke about stealing me away from him. We got intimate along the line. I didn’t see ex-hubby until three months after we started dating when I went to see him in Lagos and we also got intimate. I went back to school and the following month, I found out that I was pregnant. I didn’t have doubts about the paternity of my baby till I told my school boyfriend that I couldn’t date him anymore and that I was pregnant for ex-hubby. He pleaded and tried to convince me that the baby is his but then I was madly in love with ex-hubby, so nothing he said made sense to me. I had my traditional wedding with ex-hubby before I had my baby. Ex-hubby’s real character started to show after I had the baby, I don’t even want to recount all that I faced. The then school boyfriend resurfaced and started showering myself and my baby love, attention and financial help. I soon started sleeping with him again cos ex hubby wouldn’t even touch me for months. At a point, I cut all contact with school boyfriend again cos I felt he was the one drawing my mind away from my marriage, but things only got worse. I started to suffer from severe migraine and depression, Bell’s palsy started to knock on the door, so I summoned courage and left my marriage. School boyfriend found a way to reach out to me again and I just fell into his arms. He’s been the reason why I’ve been financially at peace since I left my marriage. He doesn’t give me too much, 5k, 3k, like that, cos he isn’t so buoyant but his efforts are enough. My son and I are comfortable. We talked about doing a DNA test but it’s very expensive so he just said we should skip it and that he’ll always be there for us. The last time we went to pay him a visit, my son was choking on his food and he collected some of the food from my baby’s mouth and ate it straight. I’ve never had anyone love my son like that. He doesn’t talk to me about marriage or future talks or anything though I’m not ready for any of that yet. I know I’m not supposed to be sleeping with him but how do I deny myself of such affection when I am so vulnerable right now?! Even when the future is unknown, this present gives me peace. I can’t even imagine another man on top of me, I can’t imagine another man love my son like this. I need help, I dunno what to do with my life.

Thanks very much ma

N.B. After my final exams, I needed to pay up the school fees I was owing, ex-hubby showed no concern so I had to defer my admission, when I couldn’t defer anymore, it was school boyfriend that paid for me. This is the reason why I’ll just be going for my NYSC this February /march. I’m not a lazy woman. Even the little I get from school boyfriend now, I use to buy slippers and sandals to resell, so I don’t wear him out with requests.

Olubunmi

Hmmm… is he married sis?

Jopasperson Joy

No, he’s not

This Post Has 25 Comments

  1. I think you should let him take care of you for now o, things will settle themselves by the grace of God. But please as your eye don see pepper, let this nice young man be there for you, and pamper you, it’s not always about money. Na God send am come.

  2. What messes us up the most, is that picture in our head of how our life is supposed to be.
    Let go of what you, society or anyone thinks your life should be like. Take one day at a time. Take it slowly, don’t rush any decision and you will get to where you want to be.

  3. I think you should define this relationship so dt tmrw you won’t get d shock of ur life. All the same enjoy urself and be vigilante. Cheers

  4. Thank goodness he’s single. Enjoy this moment sis. Don’t put a tag on it yet. 6,7,8months…& then you can ask him what he really wants. If what he wants isn’t what you want, then….

  5. Dear Joy,
    Please define this relationship. Ask school boyfriend what and where exactly you’re headed, so as not to be taken unawares should he spring up a sudden surprise or should there happen to be another relationship on the side. Meanwhile, concentrate on developing yourself for a better tomorrow for you and your son, then you will soon find that the 5k, 3k or so he gives to you would no longer be a reason to remain with him. Independence is key for every mother, especially single mums.

  6. Enjoy and savour every moment spent with school friend, he truly loves and care for you and your son. Get to get used to getting your life on the right track again, leave marriage out of it for now and just let God take care of the future.

  7. I am talking out of experience now: You need emotional support especially when you are a single mum.

    I will advice that you see your school boyfriend as the man who is supporting you (emotionally) for now. Do not attach too much strings to the relationship for now, do not get carried away with his closeness to your child (because even a playboy knows how to do that better, some men get into a single mum’s life by showing so much care for the child, if it is fake he will stop, if it is natural he will always do that even when you are married.)

    if he stay he is yours, and if he leave you, let him go and continue your life.

    Cheers!

  8. Wow! I think you should just define whatever it is going on between you both instead of just shagging. It’ll be helpful for your son too,he needs a stable ‘father figure’.

  9. There is no commitment. Heartbreak is inevitable either from your side or his. Review this relationship and know what works. I don’t like the casuality of sex but it’s your choice. However I will ask that what would you do if schl boy friend comes and say he is getting married to someone else? Let your answer guide your next step

  10. My dear feel free to enjoy life to the fullest, but also be on guard cuz anything can come up from his side like family, mother, sisters not in support of you. But till then Abeg enjoy the moment

  11. My dear go ahead but pls ask him what exactly he want from you thank God is just a child not 2,pls move along with him but be vigilant and be careful and don’t get pregnant out of wedlock for him who knows the baby his own

  12. Enjoy it while it lasts & if you re lucky, it might last forever. As long as you have your peace of mind & you re happy, opari.

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