On Invisible Male Victims of Abuse

Two crimes we tend to overlook.

1 Se:xual abuse of boys

2 Domestic abuse of men.

If we think about it, we would know that most men had their first se:xual experience with an older female. A housemaid perhaps. Or a family friend. Or even an aunt. But we tend to concentrate on the girl child who has been abused. Not that we should not help the girl child but what about the boy child? Who is helping him? I have a friend who was constantly raped by the housemaid his parents employed when he was around age 11. During one holiday,  as soon as his parents drove off in the morning to work and the door was locked, the housemaid would tell him to drop his pan:ts. And proceed to do all sorts with him. She was much older than him. When he told us, we all laughed. In my experience, I have heard of men who had had their first se:xual experience at the age of 10, 11 … and most often with women and not with girls their own age. And we laugh when the men regale us with their childhood experiences. Lawyerman told me that when he was around age 11, they had a maid who would grab him in dark corners of the house even with his parents in the house. She was that brazen. He lived in constant fear and would try as much as possible to seat beside his parents. But as soon as Mummy od Daddy sent him into the rooms to get something, the maid would be there, trying to get him to do all sorts.

Some years ago, I saw an ex-boyfriend. He had cheated on me, broken up with me and married the girl he cheated on me with. Fast forward a few years later, I saw him again and soon, he was calling me and apologising and wanting me back. Turns out the woman he married used to beat him. A lot. And he was scared of her. He wanted me back. Obviously, was not going to happen but he soon started confiding things to me that was shocking. Around this time, he got made redundant at work and he could not tell his wife! Every morning, he would go through the charade of getting dressed for work, only to just roam around London. He hoped that before he finished his redundancy money, he would be able to get another job. His fear was that if she knew he had no job, the beating would worsen. I told him that I was not the best person to speak to but he still would not or could not talk to his wife. To be truthful, I did feel a sense of ‘serves you right’. After a while, I started avoiding him. So, I don’t know if he eventually told her.

This happened in England where there is support for victims of domestic violence. But even here in the UK, Men rarely report that they are being abused at home, talk less of Nigeria where there is no support. Men are supposed to suck it in. Men don’t cry. Boys are expected to be silent about being abused my aunties… housemaids…

Boys and men need help also.

This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. Ha Aunty, no man go wan talk that kind thing now. As a man pride won’t let them accept that they are molested by women. A corper I once slapped hated me with a passion. Did everything to ruin me before he finished service. People asked him why he was looking for ways pull me down, he replied with I just hate her but couldn’t say he had not forgiven the slap. So I think it is a natural thing with them, EGO

  2. It’s about time too! Since this is not confession time, let me just say that u r very right on point. A lot of things happen day it takes a lot to talk of them not to talk of believing them

  3. I have been pondering on this very issue since last week when I read about a man who was abused by his uncle from age seven till he turned eighteen or thereabout. We need to give our male children same monitoring and orientation we dish out to the female. They are also vulnerable.

  4. For anyone offended accept my apology upfront. I know, l know how heartless of me…..
    “Turns out the woman he married used to beat him. A lot. And he was scared of her”

    Hahahahahahahaha lmao ???? Scream!! Do you know l poured my soda on myself after l spat out what was in my mouth to avoid chking to death!! ?????? Bunmi what is this? Hahahahahaha!!

    Was she bigger than him? And after his daily beating he kept on going back? I beg details this sounds cray-zee!! Hahahahahahaha what!! I just can not imagine this for real, even though l know it is true!! Geeezz the struggle is real!!

  5. His! I never hear…but your Ex story get as e be o..*Mi o le rerin* loosely translated… I can’t laugh..a shame about the sexual abuse though…

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